I have to think this Christmas, that it’s really quite uncouth,

not to follow in my steps when I’m drinking my Vermouth.

I don’t moan or make a fuss or move into high gear,

when you partake, and God knows why, in drinking all that beer!

Neither could I give a damn, to see you drink that wine,

you may think its lots of fun, so trendy and divine,

but I believe it does no good and even if it’s thinned,

ten to one, I’ll have a bet; it gives you violent wind!

You could be really boring, sipping Perrier and ice

and you might think this Christmas, that it’s posh and really nice.

I’m sure you’ll say that you’ve become a really modern chap,

but I find it’s hardly different, than what comes from the tap!

A Christmas spirit will demand a tumbler full of whisky,

so well known apparently, to make men feel frisky,

but I have to say quite plainly, the thing I found the most,

was that my bold intentions, so soon gave up the ghost!

You could be really healthy, make drinks from lots of fruit,

you should be warned however, the acids so acute,

never will it take effect, have you bright and boozy,

which is why I can’t believe they named the thing a smoothie!

Take my lead this Christmas, when you drink do as I do,

bottle gone; of everything you’ll soon be seeing two.

That’s the thing about Vermouth, it really does the trick,

you believe you’ve drunk it twice and so get rat arsed quick!